Logic and Reason?

What is reason? Reason is the why? The “why” things are done. The beliefs, the intellect, the experiences of an individual that will produce their reason

Their Logic is the justifier of their actions. Good logic is based on clarity and understanding and rational thought. Illogical action or “reason” for doing something illogical is based on their reason for doing whatever it is that was/is done.

If one is not guided by truth and higher levels of truth and understanding until they become to know objective truth then they will be guided possibly  by subjective truth which may still be a level of truth. That state of being, that subjective reality will possibly be more like adding 1+2 = 4. (more…)

Cry?

Interesting title! Huh? This part of our humanity, this part of our emotional state is a reality that we some times would apparently like forget. We at times do not want to show that side of our innate reality.

I decided to make this post because of my own experiences as well as the reality of this core part of who and what we are, EMOTIONAL BEINGS! Here are a couple videos that I would encourage you to watch and be very mindful of your emotional state.

I saw these two videos in this order and both brought tears to my eyes. I decided to make not just a post of my experience but I have made a page of videos that have actually brought tears to my eyes. I may not do all of them because there would be many but I will post videos that make an impact on me. Speaking of “impact”…what an intriguing word. I like the emotions that I feel when movies or videos cause me to react with positive tears! I like that state, I like the way it feels and I have learned years ago to not fight the A.R. of that strong of an emotion(s) to want to come out in the form of tears.

We all have situations that cause an emotional “IMPACT”! These outside experiences “Impact” us to such a degree that the Impact literally “moves” us. There is no choice in this process at all! In fact the reason why I stated that this is a part of our humanity that we sometimes would like to forget is because so often we hide our emotions, we want to hide our tears. We hide in shame or cover our mouths or if we are in public we will sometimes apologize for that part of our humanity!

Why do we do this, say I am sorry for having such a wonderful emotional experience that we say “sorry” Why do we cover our mouths…? In the future watch for peoples reactions either an audience or the person(s) performing or being watched…

By the way…in my opinion when we dry like that we are having actually a spiritual experience and for many this is a rare gift because we tend to turn that side of our selves off. Remember the questions in the previous paragraph and feel free to share, your experiences.

By the way here is one more that really pushed my buttons big time. Watch his body language at the end when the Host is asking him questions…

PS. The above video could help but make me recall Melanie Amaro’s version of the same some. I was so blown away and amazed and even now, not sure how many times I have seen this it still brought a single tear down my left cheek!

A.R.

AUTOMATIC RESPONSE IS THE FOUNDATION FOR THIS BOOK

Let’s start with some very basic, but possibly new, ideas regarding A.R. (Automatic Response). I am going to give you some questions regarding what I mean by Automatic Response:

  • When and/or if you smile at someone or something, is this a conscious choice or does it just happen (A.R.)?
  • If you are watching a scary movie and you are afraid, is this emotion a choice, or is it an A.R.?
  • If you are watching a play or a movie and you cry, is this a choice or A.R.?
  • If you are driving the car and someone cuts you off and you react emotionally, is this a choice or A.R.?
By |June 10th, 2013|A.R.|0 Comments

Constructive Criticism

There is no such thing!!!!!!!!!!! Construct means to build and the root of criticism is critic, and to criticize is to tear down, and is the opposite of building up. The truth is, when we think we are helping the other person with constructive criticism, most likely we are not; it is a lie. Take the time to think about why this is a lie. (Unless the relationship is such that both people understand each other and are on the same level of understanding and acceptance, all you will ever have is constructive criticism. If you do have understanding and acceptance, this could also be called: proper frequency, resonance, entrainment.) In the past I used to think I was trying to help my wife and others, but I was only hurting them. This is making the judgment or assessment that it is our place or duty to correct. Is there any other way that we can work with someone to help him or her develop? I can think of at least three situations where it would be our duty that could definitely apply:

Control VS Influence

A question came to me one day while I was pumping gas; I was thinking about material things, like motorcycle choppers, and how could I justify my desire to build a chopper. One way I reasoned was that I could start a chopper building company. I then started to think of material things in general: How we focus so much on the material things and positions and status of life; how much they control our lives or how we allow them to control our lives. It also occurred to me that if they control so much of our life, what else controls our life? The possible ways that material things control our lives are:

Controlled by Our Past!?

(01/24/03) Our programming, our beliefs, and our emotions (consciously and subconsciously) are what bind us to our past, which controls the outcome of our future. Another aspect of our programming is our inner dialogue. Our inner dialogue is not just what we say to ourselves or the things we think about. It is literally a dialogue with self or possibly others, with emotion. This is why I call it “inner dialogue.” Addictions, phobias, habits, etc. are programmed into our conscious and subconscious states, reinforced by every emotional attachment to the event or relationship, which literally creates a connection. If someone has a habit or addiction, one of the defeating inner dialogue automatic responses may be: “Oh, one more won’t matter,” or “I’m just going to fail anyway, so why try?” This last comment, and so many more like it, can be just as damaging as any kind of addiction/dependency. These comments of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and low self worth are as potentially damaging as any chemically dependent situation. They both create fear. They both destroy progress (or our potential and opportunity of looking to the future and being confident about doing great things, no matter how big or small = POWER).

Do We have a Choice?

You have probably heard the phrase, “I didn’t have a choice.” Is that a true statement? Please take time to ponder that question before reading on. Depending on the situation, the statement it is either true or false. There are times, within your box or reality, you may say that you didn’t have a choice, but in reality you just didn’t like any of the options that you could come up with, or that were presented to you. I would like you to take the next week, as a homework assignment, and become aware of that statement in your personal life as well as in others.

Within the world of Automatic Response, we literally do not have a choice. Automatic Response is a habit, good or bad, or could be classified as a habit, or an addiction.

As mentioned earlier, “Success in life (IN MY OPINION) is the ability to ask the right questions.” Please pay attention to the following formula:

Events and Relationships

In order to “INCREASE YOUR CAPACITY TO LOVE,” you must SEE, THINK and FEEL differently than you DO now. Once you change your seeing, thinking and feeling (with love in mind) you will be constantly building a stronger foundation, and the things you DO will have much more true meaning.

EVENTS AND RELATIONSHIPS ARE WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT.

Please take time to ponder this topic, and think about the events you like or dislike, and why. Make sure you ask as many questions as you can. Also, think about the people you like or dislike, as your homework…

Expectations

Our Inner Dialogue and emotional state is what makes this happen, and we simply respond. Even if after the negative A.R. happens, and we don’t like what we have just done, we are ignorant of the truth because then our Inner Dialogue starts to say incorrect truths, or lies, to ourselves about our self-worth. If given enough emotional intensity and time, these will become our reality and we will ignore the signs that our body is showing us. These negative traits need to be understood. It needs to be understood that these things are not who we are but it is what we do. If you say, “I am mad,” that is a lie. It is a lie because it is…

By |June 10th, 2013|Expectations|0 Comments

Faith and Spirituality

(02/10/03) It dawned (what a cool word) on me today while talking to my wife that one of the critical elements missing so far in this book is faith and spirituality. The reason spirituality is important, whether you are religious or not, is because the fact (truth) remains that we are spiritual beings. As you continue to read, you will understand. Spirituality, as I see it, is an appropriate word for what I am about to write. We are more than this physical stuff we are made of. Regardless of your religious affiliation or lack thereof, I can state absolutely that there are things we do that can be categorized as spiritual acts. Spirituality produces acts of light. Lack of spirituality produces acts of darkness. Understand, there is no black and white here; we are all at different levels of spirituality, or different levels of light and knowledge. I will attempt to define some of what I call “acts of spirituality,” starting off with some basic foundational acts.

Smiling; Crying; Empathy; Compassion; Service; Patience; Gratitude; Faith; Charity; Humility; Honesty; Being Happy.

Forgiveness

FORGIVENESS = LETTING GO

(01/18/03) Forgiveness is one of the ultimate ways to focus on the relationship with self and others.

(01/24/03) What is, or is there a relationship between Inner Dialogue and forgiveness?

(02/01/03) Talk about the relationship between A.R. and choices we make or can make.

(02/19/03) For most people, the idea of forgiveness is not very prevalent in their minds because they are stuck in A.R. Why do I say this? Most people take things personally; they judge people and situations and then allow themselves to get hurt (as mentioned in the “JUDGMENT” section.) If someone makes the statement, “You hurt me,” or “You made me mad,” or a number of statements like this, these statements are not true and very disowning. This means that they are giving their ability to make choices to someone else, and then that someone else is in control of them. So, know that the person’s Inner Dialogue goes wild, and they start to believe all the things that they are saying to themselves, which fuels the fire that is already burning inside.

By |June 10th, 2013|Forgiveness|0 Comments

Frustration

FRUSTRATION, DISGUST, ANGER, MAD, RAGE

I just had an incredible experience that is hard to know where to put, because it falls into almost every category (topic and section) in this book. I will attempt to classify all the topics as they happened. As you read the following battle between events and relationships, you may find yourself going back in time, space, and place, seeing and feeling events which you have experienced. Think about how you handled them, and what you could have done to change/improve them, and what you can do in the future to Increase Your Capacity to Love.

At this point I have the flu and a head cold or whatever it is, and have lost my voice. It’s Sunday evening, I’m not feeling good, and there were five kids in the kitchen because they had been requested to clean it. They usually get pretty wound up when they are all together, which they did. I could feel the automatic responses starting to boil under the surface. Before I reacted negatively by yelling and allowing them to control me, I had my wife call them into the living room so I could have a talk with them. I talked to them as loud as I could, even getting winded from trying to talk so loud and from feeling sick…

By |June 10th, 2013|Frustration|0 Comments

Habits and Addictions

(02/09/03) There are times when I write about a topic that the close relationship between the stories and ideas make it difficult to decide what topic/section they should be placed in, such as the following story. I was eating my breakfast this morning; my oldest made pancakes. I was sitting by my baby boy, and he was on his second bowl of cereal. (He is two years old, and he poured more cereal all by himself into the bowl.) At that time, my mind had some quick flashes of old Automatic Responses like, “You have had enough,” but I didn’t say anything. He asked me for some milk, and another quick flash of old Automatic Response programming flashed through. I thought, “You have had enough,” or something like that. There is an important concept I need to mention at this point. When these flashes of old responses happen to me, it is not just thought, it is much more. It is like a movie is going on in my head, in fractions of a second, and it is as if I am watching myself interact with my children.

Inner Dialogue

INNER DIALOGUE IS NOT JUST SELF TALK

(01/24/03) Inner Dialogue is critical to understand and to be consciously aware of. In the context of communication, you have at least five elements that make up the foundation of speech:

1. ASSESSMENT

2. DECLARATION

3. PROMISE

4. REQUEST

5. ASSERTION

 

When we communicate, we are in one or more of these states, possibly using different combinations. The sad reality is that most people are not even aware of their speech patterns, verbal or in their head (INNER DIALOGUE) and therefore are in automatic response. Since most people are not aware of their speech patterns, they are not aware that they are also stuck in “THE STORY.” Here is a prime example of being stuck in the story. Most of us have seen on TV, or in a movie, a Judge in court, and he is listening to the person sitting on the bench ramble on and on (THE STORY) and the Judge says to the person, “Just the facts.” He doesn’t care about the story. He doesn’t want to hear all the drama. All he wants is to get to the bottom of the problem to give his decision. For those of you with kids, you hear “THE STORY” ALL DAY LONG.

Judgment

JUDGMENT AND ASSUMPTIONS

(02/09/03) I have written so much, and it just occurred to me that one of the missing elements to all of these concepts and topics is the process of JUDGMENT. The concept of judgment is all around us; we constantly judge, and we are constantly being judged. The ironic thing about this is that we are commanded to not judge; but if we are going to judge, we need to do it righteously. “Judge not according to appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” (The New Testament, John 7: 24) There is a very close relationship between judgment and assumption.

When we “assume” something, or judge something, we create a new reality within that judgment. We believe the judgment/assumption as a truth. Do we have all the facts to create a proper judgment or assumption? Most of the time: No. We judge to create a reality that makes sense to us, or we find any other reason to pass judgment. We fill in the missing pieces, or at least something that we can relate to, and then we believe that judgment/assumption. Inner Dialogue is a foundation for judgment/assumption. You cannot make a judgment/assumption without Inner Dialogue. All three of these processes working together (Inner Dialogue, Judgment, and Assumptions) also develop an emotional state.

By |June 10th, 2013|Judgment|0 Comments

Labels

LABELS, JUDGMENT, EXPECTATIONS

I sometimes think that I may have a form of ADD or ADHD, but I have no interest in going to find out, (regardless if there is treatment) because I do not want to classify myself into a label; a very small box. If I care enough about making changes, I am going to do it on my own and not take drugs for something that is probably normal (for me.) If change is going to take place, it will be by a conscious effort to change. It is wise to be careful and very much aware of the conscious and subconscious labels that people tend to place on themselves and others, specifically children and co-workers (regardless of their position, whether a subordinate or a manager.) Labels are potentially very dangerous. If a parent has a child that they label, “shy,” “hyper,” “stupid,” “ADD,” “a challenging kid,” “strong willed,” “a teenager,” etc., etc., then the parent, as well as the child, will buy into that label from that point on. The child doesn’t know any better, and they will live up to the label which comes with expectations. The parent will treat the child accordingly, without much thought, almost always going into automatic response.

By |June 10th, 2013|Labels|0 Comments

Mentors

WE ARE MENTORS, IF WE LIKE IT OR NOT!

(08/10/03) TEACHING MOMENTS

I have mentioned, indirectly throughout this book, the opportunities for “TEACHING MOMENTS.” I have not felt the urgency or the magnitude of this concept until now, even though I have talked about it quite a bit. I feel it is important to stress the fact that, whether we like it or not, we are having teaching moments all the time, specifically with our children. Most of us have heard the phrase, “Do as I say, not as I do,” or “I’d rather see a sermon than hear one, any day.” By our example, we are impacting the lives of our children, and those around us, with far greater power than we will ever know or even comprehend. In the different sections of this book

By |June 10th, 2013|Mentors|0 Comments

Our Dominating Emotions

OUR DOMINANT EMOTIONS DIRECT THE QUALITY OF LIFE!

WHAT ARE OUR DOMINATING EMOTIONS DURING THE DAY/NIGHT? FEAR, HAPPY, LOVE, GUILT, HATE, JOY, INSECURE, DOUBT, NEUTRAL? ARE YOU EVEN AWARE OF WHAT YOU FEEL DURING THE DAY OR NIGHT?

Performance

The #1 problem in any relationship, regardless of what kind of relationship it is, whether it is with SELF, or a spouse/partner, a co-worker/boss, a child/teenager, your dog/cat or any other pet for that matter, is the fact that you don’t like what the other does or does not do; in other words, their performance. You are most likely in negative A.R. and judging or criticizing their performance, which is not to your satisfaction. You have expectations on their performance, and unmet expectations are the greatest source of problems in relationships. This may be extremely selfish, because you are stuck in your world and have very little regard for their world. Inner Dialogue is a major part of this concept. Your whole outlook is directed by your Inne…

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Self Worth

SELF WORTH IS PRICELESS!

SELF-WORTH, SELF ESTEEM

This is a very important section, based primarily on questions that need to be asked to help define what self worth is. The ENTIRE book goes into the basis of self-worth.

1. What is self/worth or self esteem?

2. Is it important?

3. Why is it important? Self-esteem or self worth makes reference to levels of value. People hold different things at different levels of worth. Material things are common areas that hold worth, i.e. houses, cars, etc.

4. Do we value people or ourselves as highly as we value some of our material positions, status, or possessions?

5. Do we judge people (or ourselves) as having little or no value?

6. Can we have high self-worth/esteem or low self-worth/esteem?

7. Who has high worth and why?

8. Who has low worth and why?

By |June 10th, 2013|Self Worth|0 Comments

Selfishness VS Selflessness

SELFISHNESS VS. SELFLESSNESS

Negative emotional states are of a selfish nature. Take a look at the emotional states below and make a note as to why they are of a selfish nature before reading further.

STRESS: (What is stress?)

FEAR:

IMPATIENCE:

EXPECTATIONS:

FRUSTRATIONS:

DISGUST:

ANGER:

RAGE:

DOUBT:

DEPRESSION:

Negative emotional states are of a selfish nature because they are centered on the individual; on the self.

Fear is a tough one to understand. There are events when fear may be more appropriate, as in life threatening situations, but that is not the case most of the time.

Thoughts are the Spring of Reality

THOUGHTS ARE THE SPRING OF REALITY

THOUGHT VS. EMOTION

(07/18/03) I have, in the past, asked a kind of a silly question: Which came first, the thought or the emotion? It is an interesting idea/question, because it would help in human relations to understand this process. I know, from personal experience, that I’ve had an emotional trigger from something I see or hear, for example, that seems to trigger a thought process. Or could it be the other way around? The idea that there is even a separation between the two may or may not be important, but I think it will end up being very important. If or when a distinction can be experienced and mastered, we will be elevated to a higher level of love and control over self = “Self-Mastery.” I have had many experiences, where the emotion is so close to the thought, that it seems almost the same, but what I have discovered is that I can overcome the negative emotion/thought process and be in control. I can focus on the relationship, as in the “POO STORY.” Am I perfect? Absolutely not, but I am aware to a degree that I am constantly working on improvement.

Truth VS Lies

CAUTION, CAUTION!!!! HOW WILL YOU KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS, AND IF YOU HAVE FOUND IT, WHEN YOU ALREADY THINK YOU HAVE FOUND IT?

This journey will be an incredible experience. I have given the answers to this question in the intro of this book. If you do not believe in The Bible as the word of God, then use it as one of the oldest, longest, time-tested foundations of truth that exists. You must start somewhere, if your life is to change.

Let’s talk about something that you may have never thought of before. As usual, I will start with a question. What is money? Here is another question statement: What is money not? What is the truth about money?

1. Power

2. Security

3. A Value

4. Paper/Coin

5. A Means of Exchange

6. Something You Work For

7. Evil

8. Strength

9. Opportunity?

Unconsciously Incompetent

UNCONSCIOUSLY-INCOMPETENT = this is when people don’t even know that they don’t know. They cannot even ask a question; they have no reference point. When I say they don’t even have a reference point, this is very literal…

How can you ask a question, when you don’t know what it is? 

Validation

Validation is one of the strongest of human needs.

(01/21/03) Validation, what is it? Simply put, validation is acceptance or approval. We all want to be accepted. The opposite is rejection.

As a parent, if we are constantly in negative A.R. and constantly reacting to the children or their automatic response modes, we are, in reality, rejecting the children.

By |June 10th, 2013|Validation|0 Comments

Why We Do What We Do

(07/27/03) The reason why we have any obligation, or take responsibility for doing anything, is found in THREE areas:

1. FEAR

2. DUTY

3. LOVE

4. DEFAULT…

Your Real Communication

YOUR REAL COMMUNICATION ALL ASPECTS

(01/18/03) When I talk about communication, I am making reference to the following:

1. The tone of your voice – Tonality

2. The words you use – Good or bad, uplifting or degrading, etc.

3. Facial expressions – What are your eyebrows doing? What are your eyes doing? What is your mouth doing? Etc.

4. Your body language…

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